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Writer at Work

a poem...and a rather lousy one at that

Posted by blck_phnx on 2007.06.29 at 15:21
Current Location: home...
Personal Tone: blahblah
Current Inspiration: soon will be Blackmore's Night
The following is a poem I submitted to a poetry contest earlier...sometime during the school year, in the early hours of the morning when everything makes sense and the idiocy of my action didn't hit home until sometime that evening.
I wrote it my senior year (so...year before last, I guess, since it's now summer) while I was sitting in the library immediately after my Creative Writing class, where we'd been discussing alliteration. I was just playing with alliteration when I wrote it, and I haven't touched it since. I also started out trying to rhyme every other line, but abandoned that as I just couldn't make it work. Lots of cliche lines, but...*shrugs* they probably won't get fixed any time soon......if ever. Read if you wish, if not, don't. (Obviously) I do like the ending, though. That's my favorite line(s)...

Marsh

Winds wail mournfully,
a ghost lost in the mist.
Fog swirls and billows,
stirred by a giant’s fist.
Lights flare and fade,
wandering souls claimed by the void.
Far off,
a predator growls,
unseen hunter of the night.
Somewhere ahead,
water trickles and gurgles,
feeding the squishy flesh of the swamp.
Dried ferns rustle restlessly,
gnawed to bones by bog rats.
Below the surface lay the dead,
horror frozen on their features.
The chill marsh waters
immortally preserving nightmare’s past.

Comments:


Ayndhria
aldecoary at 2007-06-30 15:41 (UTC) (Link)
You have a lot of provokative images and beautiful language. As was drilled into me last semester, though.....quit being so vague. What's this poem really about? We can only guess. Might be more powerful if it's more concrete--it'll bring up even more emotions than it already does. Reminds me of the Dead Marshes from Lord of the Rings.
Nix
blck_phnx at 2007-07-02 22:44 (UTC) (Link)
Vague?? I didn't really have anything particular in mind when I wrote this...(though, I'll admit, I had been thinking about the Dead Marshes from LotR that day...)
Garowyn/Nadia
garowyn at 2007-07-02 04:38 (UTC) (Link)
Very descriptive. I like it.
Nix
blck_phnx at 2007-07-02 22:44 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! ^_^
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